COACH-CREATED©: Self-Mastery: A Two-Way Street by Delbar Niroushak

  • by WBECS Team
  • Nov 20, 2019

This COACH-CREATED© blog piece comes to you from Delbar Niroushak, Founder and CEO of Nirouye Tadbir Iranian (NTI) and specialist in Enneagram Coaching

Why do I believe that coaching is a good process for bringing change and effectiveness to people’s lives? Because, to me, coaching is transformation.

Based on my experience – some of which is in the middle east – I love getting to see first-hand how coaching is bringing the best out of every individual and team I work with. As their coach, I support them to be their best and most affective selves in different situations, whether it’s with their families and partners, in social situations and/or in the workplace.

I believe that everything starts with self-mastery. Anyone can improve in every aspect of their lives once they have mastered how to take the lessons from their experiences – whether negative or positive – and master how they react to all things circumstantial while honoring their own values and viewpoints.

The Road to Self-Mastery

I like to work with my clients to create a road map of sorts. Clients seem to look for a coach who will guide their way, but also, know when to step back and navigate their own path. Successful coaching relies on that instinct and balance, and that was such a revelation to me in the beginning. I also understand what it’s like to adapt when the path you start out on changes – something my clients often have a hard time dealing with.

You see, a kind of enlightenment occurred in both me and my clients when I started out. I had begun my journey as a psychologist – I achieved a PhD in Clinical Psychology and worked as a counsellor for a time. I enjoyed helping people so much, that I went on to study Human Resources Development and Management. From there, I attended a selection of intensive courses and learned a number of assessment tools with a range of associations. I had explored all these avenues, and yet still wasn’t quite sure of the best way to apply my skills.

When I discovered coaching, everything fell into place. I found that everything I had learned to date was relative to the coaching profession. That’s when I realised that every experience, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time, will come in useful somewhere down the line. So, now, when I work with my clients, I help them to take the lessons from each step of their journey – even from the things that seemingly went wrong or appeared not to relate to where they are now – and recognise how what they learned at each stage has informed who they are now.

This is what I mean by self-mastery. It’s about taking ownership of all the components that make up the “self” and taking the best of every situation forward. Building a road map to your ideal outcome involves accepting everything that makes you “you” in order to understand why you react the way you do in particular scenarios, and how to play to your strengths so you can adapt and grow into your future.

The fluidity of the field

As coaches, we can sometimes be guilty of becoming attached to certain tools and techniques, just as clients can get attached to specific methodologies, and even to a particular kind of coach. What is so wonderful about the coaching world at the moment is that everything feels very fluid right now. Constant change is encouraged and even necessary in the current climate. Some coaches are intimidated by that, but I find it fascinating and exciting.

Coaching is less about attachment and stagnation, and more about empowerment and consistent progression – for the coach and the client. Clients have a variety of options to tap into now. Coaches are working hard to remain relevant by keeping their skills fresh. The relationship between coach and client is a partnership, and you both have to move and adapt to change together to be what I call “tomorrow-ready”.

What occurs is that, by moving forward in this way, both coach and client achieve higher levels of self-mastery in tandem, enjoying the benefits of the process equally. A good coach will help their client to identify their “blind spots” and, in so doing, recognize their own as well. It’s a two-way street, which is why I find coaching so gratifying.

Staying true to the “self”

One key aspect of coaching self-mastery is encouraging the client to be true to themselves. This, coupled with knowing it’s okay to be yourself as the coach too, is fundamental. To be appreciated at your most authentic is one of the most fulfilling outcomes of self-mastery.

For some, being themselves comes with a certain amount of vulnerability. Coaching creates a safe environment that allows for this. In my experience, it’s in those moments when people are brave enough to be vulnerable that real breakthroughs happen.  Enabling others to achieve self-mastery by being brave is the most rewarding aspect of what I do. It also inspires me to be more honest with myself about my aspirations too.

A duel experience

Every person has untapped potential within them. We are all learning all the time. With coaching, I help to coax out my clients’ hidden or forgotten skills and support them in coming up with a roadmap to self-mastery – all the while adjusting my own path and developing my own skill set.

My mantra is “changing and transforming negative thoughts”. Even negative experiences have something to teach you – something you can take into the next phase of your development. To recognise that in others, I look at my own experiences, good and bad, and draw the strengths and the lessons from them to help both my clients and my practice. That is why examining self-mastery through coaching is so valuable – it empowers both the coach and the client.

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